Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
