i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
