That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
