Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
