I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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