at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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