Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I accidentally burped into my bong.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
