you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
