The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
