My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
