i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
