They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
