Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
