soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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