I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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