the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
