i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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