I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
