I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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