capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
