i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
