he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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