Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We just shotgunned beers for America
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
