Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
