That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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