That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize