Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
