So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
