She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
