dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
