did you get engaged???
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
