Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize