tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
third nipple confirmed
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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