I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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