I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
soo... how was my night?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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