I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
