im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
