we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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