Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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