i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
