My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
