you win again, gameday.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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