I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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