I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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