Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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