i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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