In the future we'll all be gay
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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