Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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