Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
