i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize