I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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