I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
