You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
