I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
