I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize