The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize