I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
