Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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