i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize