people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
