This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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