I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
barbara walters just said penis...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things šš
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being āgoodā and 10 being ābanging a studentās fatherā, how bad is it that Iām banging a studentās father?
Randomize
