You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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