as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
