if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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