Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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