Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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