So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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