I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize